Текст песни:

[Beelz] I am complete!

[Both] Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

[Beelz] yes you are fucked, shit out of luck
now I′m complete and my cock you will suck
This world will be mine and you′re first in line
you brought me the pick and now you shall both die!

[JB] Wait! Wait! Wait!
you motherfucker
we challenge you to a rock off!
give us one chance to rock your socks off

[Beelz] Fuck, fuck, fuck
the demon code prevents me
from declining a rock off challenge
what are your terms? what is the catch?

[JB] If we win, you must take your sorry ass back to hell.
and also you will have to pay our rent

[Beelz] And what if *i* win?
[JB] then you can take Kage back to hell...
[KG] What?
[JB] trust me Kage, its the only way,
[KG] What the fuck are you talking about?
[JB] to be your little bitch.
[Beelz]
Fine! Let the rock off begin!hahahahaa
I′m the devil i love metal!
Check this riff it′s fucking tasty
I′m the devil i can do what i want,
whatever i got I′m gonna flaunt,
there′s never been a rock off that I′ve ever lost
i cant wait to take Kage back to hell
I′m gonna fill him with my hot demon gel
I′ll make him squeal like my scarlet pimpernel

[JB] Noooooo!
c′mon Kage bring the thunder
[KG] there′s just no way that we can win,
that was a masterpiece.
[JB] listen to me
[KG] he rocks too hard because he′s not a mortal man
[JB] goddamn-it Kage,
he gonna make you his sex slave,
you′re gonna gargle mayonnaise
unless we bust a massive monster mamma-jam.
[KG] dude, we′ve been through so much shit,
[JB] deactivated lasers with my dick
[BOTH] now its time to blow this fucker down!
[JB] C′mon Kage now it′s time to blow doors down
[KG] I hear you Jables now it′s time to blow doors down
[JB] Light up the stage cause its time for a showdown
[KG] We′ll bend you over then we′ll take you to brown town
[BOTH] Now we′ve got to blow this fucker down
[KG] He′s gonna rape me if we do not blow doors down
[JB] C′mon Kage cause it′s time to blow doors down
[KG] Oh we′ll piledrive ya, it′s time for the smackdown
[JB] Hey anti-christ-er, Beelzeboss,
we know your weakness our rocket-sauce
we rock the casbah, and blow your mind
we will defeat you, for all mankind
you hold the scepter,
we hold the key
you are the devil,
we are the D [18x]

[Beelz]
You guys are fuckin′ lame. Come on Kage, You′re coming with me.
Taste my lightning fuckers!

[Tenacious D:]
[JB] NO!

[Beelz]
ow! Fuck!
My fuckin′ horn!
oh no!

[JB] From whence you came you shall remain,
until you are complete again

[Beelz]
No! Fuck you Kage and Fuck you Jables!
I′ll get you Tenacious D!

@ Tenacious D

Текст песни:

The mission is clear,
i′m going over there
I′m going to do the mission

I flip around the corner,
flat as a pancake
And then i- oh noo! A camera

Stay back here,
devise a plan
Dive into the bushes

Against all odds
Infiltrate,
storm the gates!
storm the gates!

Ninja style,
samuri (Storm the gates!)
Metal pole,
climb that shit (Storm the gates)
Climb into that mother-fucker
Now i′m climbin up,
up on the roof
I got cat-like reflexes

Against all odds
Infiltrate,
oh! storm the gates!

Two air-vents on the roof,
thats what the guy was talkin a- Shit!

Electric Eye
Infiltrate,
storm the gates!
storm the gates!
storm the gates!

@ Tenacious D

Текст песни:

Car chase city,
That′s the name,
Of my game.
It was all proven,
Now its totally lame!
KG really fucking,
Blew us some ass!
Now we′re fucking,
Headed for a,
Total collapse!

Car chase city,
Roll away from a bus!
Thought that we wasn′t,
But we totally was!

Car chase city,
Now we′re off on the map!
Car chase city,
Now I′m takin′ a crap!

Now it′s getting hairy,
So we′re changin′ the key.
Never underestimate,
The power of E!

KG fuckin′ put his foot on the gas!
If I go to prison, got the Pick in my ass!

Fuck this shit!
It′s gone too far!

Kage pull over, let me out of the car!
Car chase city,
Now we′re taking the lane!
KG blew it,
Now we′re going insane!

Let′s rock!
Let′s roll!
Let them try to fill up the hole!
Let′s rock!
Let′s roll!
Car chase city patrol!

Car chase city!
Car chase city-ah!
Car chase city!

Let′s rock!
Let′s roll!
Car chase city patrol!
Let′s rock!
Let′s roll!
Just a fuckin′ rigmarole!

Uh!

Piss!
Speed!
Tremble!
Oh!
Aagh!
Gas!
Brakes!
Spin it, go Kyle!
So spin it, go Kyle!
S′broke!
Flip it!
Gas!
Nitro!
Go!

Let′s rock!
Let′s roll!
Car chase city patrol!
Let′s rock!
Let′s roll!
Just a fuckin′ rigmarole!

Let′s rock!
Let′s roll!
Car chase city patrol!
Let′s rock!
Let′s roll!
Rockin′ was the ulti-mofo!
Uh!

Car chase city!
Car chase city!
Car chase city!
Car chase city!

[Host:] Hey guys, you′re running a little late.
There′s no spot left. You got any new material?
[JB] What we got′s gonna turn your brain to shit.
[KG] Dust off the stage, Open Mic Host. Step aside.

@ Tenacious D

Текст песни:

KG-D′you think that um...Dude d′you think that when the album...
When this is out, D′you think this′ll make us umm.. more attractive to the ladies?

JB-pshh....yeah. In fact I been getting ready.

KG- Yeah?

JB- Yeah. I been doin′ cock pushups.

KG-Cock pushups?
JB-yeah
KG-What are those?

JB- It′s where you fuckin′ lay down flat, on the ground
KG-yeah?
JB-And you let your boner lift you up off the ground.

KG-noooooo.....That would be impossible..Your cock
could support your whole weight?

JB-well not at first
KGyeah
JB-but over time

KG-Hmm..well how many pushups can you do?

JB-Cock pushups?

KG- Yeah. I guess you could only do one...really...

JB- Yeah, one is all you need.

@ Tenacious D

Текст песни:

Cause it′s the Pick!
Of Destiny child,
you know we will be rockin′ cause it′s fucking insane!

Cause it′s the Pick!
Of Destiny child,
more precious than a diamond on a platinum chain!

In Venice Beach, there was a man named Kage
When he was buskin′ he was all the rage.
He met Jables and he taught him well,
all the techniques that were developed in hell.
Cock pushups and the power slide,
geek simulation now there′s nowhere to hide.
They formed a band they named Tenacious D,
and then they got the Pick of Destiny.

Cause it′s the Pick!
Of Destiny child,
you know we will be rockin′ cause it′s fucking insane!

Cause it′s the Pick!
Of Destiny child,
our tasty grooves are better than a chicken chow mein!

Cause he who is sleazy,
is easy to pleasy.
And she who is juicy,
must be loosy-goosey.
And he who is groovy,
will be in my movie,
so come on!

The wizard and the demon had a battle royale,
the demon almost killed him with an evil kapow,
but then he broke his tooth and thus the deamon said oww.

Cause it′s the Pick!
Of Destiny child,
you know we will be rockin′ cause it′s fucking insane!

Cause it′s the Pick!
Of Destiny child,
you know our movie′s better than the Citizen Kane!

Cause he who′s a geezer,
must live in my freezer.
And she who is stockey,
is full of mularkey.
And he who is groovy,
must be in my movie,
so come on!

Oh! Cause if you′re a diva,
then go to Geneva.
And if you′re a carny,
then suck on my bony.
And if you are groovy,
then get in my movie!

It′s called the Pick of Destiny!
The Pick of Destiny

@ Tenacious D

Текст песни:

Dio has rocked for a long, long time.
Now it′s time for him to pass the torch.
He has songs of wildabeasts and angels,
He has soared on the wings of a demon.

It′s time to pass the torch,
You′re too old to rock, no more rockin′ for you.
We′re takin′ you to a home,
But we will sing a song about you.

And we will make sure that you′re very well taken care of.
You′ll tell us secrets that you′ve learned. Raow!
Your sauce will mix with ours,
And we′ll make a good goulash, baby.
Dio, time to go!
You must give your cape and scepter TO ME.
And a smaller one for KG.
Go, go! Dio, Dio!

@ Tenacious D

Текст песни:

Listen honey,
Thinkin′ ′bout a couple things to say to you,
Showin′, growin′,
Man I′d like to place my hand
upon your fuckin′ sexy ass and squeeze.
And squeeze!

Take off your blouse,
And your underpants,
Then take a look,
′Cause here me and KG come naked,
Out of the side-hatch,
With the oils and perfume and incense.
Now you′re groovin′,
Put on a cool ′70s groove.
A funky groove to fuck to.
A funky groove to fuck to.

Me, me and KG,
It′s all about sex supreme,
We likes to cream jeans. (sex)
Have you ever been worked on
By two guys who are hot for your snatch? (sex)
That′s what I′m offerin′ you.
You step into our room,
And then you smell the perfume,
You lay upon our roundish bed,
And then you feel a tickling on your head.
It′s KG with the feather and the French tickler,
Look out baby he got the tools.
And then you feel sumpin′ down by your feet.
It′s me, it′s JB, I′m suckin′ upon your toes.

We don′t mind sucking on toes!
Good luck finding a boyfriend who sucks toe, ow!
Havin′ sex with me and KG,
Now you′re talkin′ double team supreme.

Let′s roll!
Oh!
[2-part:] Ahh, oh!

What! Yeah! Huh! Nah! Oh!
Ah, that′s it, that′s right, ohmygah, oh-I-think-I′m-gonna, Ohh!
Deht! Deht! Eeee!
...Splooge!

[spoken]
That was the one.

[KG:] Hail Satan!
[JB:] Hail Satan!
[KG:] Hail Satan!
[JB:] Hail Satan!

@ Tenacious D

Текст песни:

Kage?
Yea?
Let′s go to this drive-thru
oh good, im starvin′
*vrrooooommmm noise*
may I help you?
Yea, um, uh
Can I have your order?
yea, hold on a second im looking at the menu
Ok
..ummm

Would you like to try seasoned curly?
Please don′t, dont offer me anything
I′ll tell YOU want I want,
OK..

um.. ok.. you know how you′ve got the six piece nugget?s
yes, six piece nuggets
just uh, can you just give me four nuggets?
im trying to, IT COMES IN SIX OR TWELVE PIECE
would you like to try them?
SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO MY ORDER..
take the six nuggets and throw two of them away
i′m just wanting my four nugget thing
i′m trying to watch my colory intake

it comes in six or twelve piece
PUT TWO OF THEM UP YOUR ASS
and give me four chicken mcnuggets
allright, four six piece nuggets

and then um.. can I have a Jr. Western Bacon Chee
A JR Western Bacon Chee,
im trying to watch my figure
Western Bacon Cheeseburger
A JR Western Bacon Chee
would you like that with onions?
no onions.. um..
ok Chicken Bacon Cheese, twelve six piece nuggets

and um.. im gonna′ go with a filet of fish sandwich
since that has less calories cause its fish
Filet o′ Fish..

now if you could take a coca-cola and just go half coca-cola half diet-coke
cuase im trying to watch my figure
try to loose some of the weight
uh.. you want half coca-cola half diet-coke?
um.. and a SMALL A SMALL chocolate shake
because im trying to watch my figure
not a large a small
it comes in medium-small or medium-large
um.. small chocolate shake..

um also a small season′s curlys
small season′s curlys..
ok i got small season′s curleys, western bacon cheeseburger..
ummm fuck my ass what else

give me uhh.. allright cherrys jubilee and thats it
$10.01.
wait kage what do you want
uhhh geez let me have uhh
i think i want the regular western bacon cheeseburger
large shake, seasoned curlys..
OH GOD COME ON WITH THE ORDER, TAKE FOREVER
thats all i want, thats all i want
GOOD, ok..
how much is that sir? that will be $14.75
at the window please, please drive up

do you have any money?
oh shoot... umm yea i got like uhhh
give it to me.. Allright Here... ok
we only have umm alright

im gonna need to cancel the last two things on the order
ok thank you..
lets go

@ Tenacious D

Текст песни:

We′ve been sent,
To issue all you people here a warning.
I′m not at liberty to say,
The details of our most perculiar warning. Yeah.
Sufice to say..All you people here are in grave danger.
So come on!

Through the skies, he flies.
He doesn′t know the reason why.
But he flies, so high.
You know that it′s true!
Lot of times, when the elders, they smile,
An illusion, an infusion, an intrusion,
An amusement park ride!

Exploding brains!
For miles on to Zanzibar.
To the shores of ye old rustic shinock.
Decimating the competition,
Leaving in their wake, a blind ambition.
Come along children, let′s rock, get it on!

In whatever heinous realm that it squats!
In whatever heinous realm that it squats!
In whatever heinous realm that it squats....
That it squats...
That it squats...
That it squats.

@ Tenacious D